A CAR TO DIE FOR: Talk about some grim spin. Russian TV recently featured a couple who bought a new white Lada sedan using the money their government gave them as compensation for their soldier son being killed in Ukraine. The Putin regime could use a little advice on how to brand their next of kin payments – which they currently term “coffin money.” Russian TV showed the parents heading to the cemetery in their spiffy new Lada. Staff Sergeant Alexi Malov’s dad was quoted saying “In memory of our son we bought a nice new car.”
TEENAGE MUTANT NEO-NAZIS? According to The Daily Beast, a couple of Russian lawmakers have been conducting an “investigation” and have discovered why the Ukrainians are fighting so hard. They say that Ukraine has been experimenting on its own troops by giving them drugs “in order to completely neutralize the last traces of human consciousness and turn them into the most cruel and deadly monsters.” Oh, and of course, they claim this work was launched from American-connected biolabs in Ukraine.
TIME WOUNDS (AND COOLS) ALL HEELS: Did you hear about the ordeal that Vladimir Putin had to endure recently? Vlad made a trip to Iran on Tuesday (reportedly to negotiate buying some drones) and for unexplained reasons, Turkish President Recep Erdogan showed up as well. The two leaders had a face-to-face meeting set up, with cameras present to record the event. Erdogan delayed his arrival for what The Daily Mail referred to as a humiliating “toe-curling 48 seconds” while Putin cooled his heels. The semi-snub was possibly payback for a 2020 Moscow meeting when Erdogan was forced to wait for almost two minutes for Vlad to honor him with his presence. Pro tip for reporters who might cover the next meeting between the two: pack a lunch.
THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR DIVIN’: U.S. Special Operations Command recently awarded a $10 million contract to buy “jet boots” for military divers. According to the manufacturer, the devices can operate at depths of 300 feet and, if the wearer swaps out batteries, can propel along a diver from three to sixteen hours. According to Business Insider, the “boots have two thrusters on the side of each leg that the operator can maneuver with their body, freeing up their hands for other tasks.” The diver can reportedly zip along at speeds up to 4 knots while remaining “completely relaxed” and conserving energy. You might be relaxed after sixteen hours under water – but you will probably resemble a prune.
GOD IS MY CO-PILOT: Perhaps someone saw the 1945 movie by that title which was about a transport pilot who joined the Flying Tigers. Current U.S. Air Force officials are reportedly considering a plan for certain dangerous missions that would remove one of the two pilots who normally sits in the cockpit of KC-46 tankers. According to the Air Force Times, Air Mobility Command is kicking around the idea of kicking one of the two pilots off the tankers should there be an Indo-Pacific war. Some say the idea was sparked by an ongoing shortage of pilots. There would still be a boom operator in the plane’s belly delivering fuel to thirsty jets – but it might get kinda lonely at the top.
SPACE CADETS: Just when you think you’ve heard the wackiest conspiracy theory possible, some knucklehead says: “Hold my Diet Dr. Pepper,” and comes up with one even goofier. Today’s intergalactic contribution to other-worldly insanity comes from folks who have observed NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope and have deduced that the telescope is really a “space cannon” capable of directing deadly energy anywhere. How do they know that something is wrong with Webb? Well, The Daily Beast tells us that proponents of this theory say one indicator is that the first picture released by President Biden was a region of the sky which was identified as “SMACS 0723.” And they cleverly figured out that “SMACS” spelled backwards is “SCAMS.” We think the theory is DIPUTS.
PINK ANGEL: “It’s a girl!” Congratulations to the U.S. Navy’s flight demonstration squadron, AKA “the Blue Angels” who revealed this week the identities of several officers joining them for the 2023 season. Among those selected was F/A-18E/F pilot Lieutenant Amanda Lee who will be the first female member of the demonstration team. There have been women members of the team serving as part of the ground crew, support staff and the like, for more than half a century but Lee’s assignment will be breaking new ground – in the air.
A LOT OF GREEN FOR THE GRAY MAN: Netflix has a new film that just started streaming called “The Gray Man” and they’re spending tons of money promoting it – understandably since they spent two tons of money making it (reportedly over $200 million.) The picture is said to be the most expensive film Netflix has ever produced. It stars Ryan Gosling as “an assassin for the Central Intelligence Agency who becomes a target after he uncovers dark secrets about the organization.” We’ve lost count of how many flicks have used that same plot. Gosling's character is named “Court Gentry.” You’d think for the kind of money they spent they could have come up with a slightly less hokey name. Court supposedly went to prison for murder at the age of 15 but eventually got sprung by the CIA to do its dirty work. Can’t tell you how many times we’ve seen that backstory used either.
POCKET LITTER: Dead Droplets and bits and pieces of interesting /weird stuff we discovered:
WE’VE HEARD OF BIRD COLONELS, BUT THIS IS A NEW ONE: If those Russian parliamentarians are worked up over mutant Ukrainian soldiers – wait until they hear about this. Military.com has blown the cover of Sir Nils Olav III who holds the rank equivalent to that of a brigadier general in the Norwegian Army. Here is the odd thing, well, one of them. He lives in the Edinburgh, Scotland Zoo – and he is a king penguin. Somehow, the bird’s ancestor was named patron of the Norwegian King’s Royal Guard. Over the years, there have been three such penguins. The first was an honorary corporal. And at some point, the penguin got knighted. Tradition has it that every time the Norwegian Guard visit Scotland, the resident penguin gets a promotion. These visits must come fairly frequently because the former corporal is now a one-star equivalent. Here’s a YouTube video of Nils trooping the line.
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