THAR HE/SHE BLOWS: A bunch of Fox News commentators got their undies in a bunch complaining about an obscure Navy instructional video about the proper use of pronouns. Two engineers from the Naval Undersea Warfare Center in Rhode Island appeared in a short video explaining why it is important to address people by their preferred pronouns. Somehow, the video made it into the hands of a variety of Fox personalities and they clutched their pearls, complaining that the sea service should be focused on preventing seagoing mishaps and not sailor misnomers. On one show, Pete Hegseth, referring to the video, told anchor Bill Hemmer "That is beyond embarrassing. Anyone who has ever worn the uniform of the United States Navy should be writing letters and calling their congressman demanding what in the world is going on? Later, on Greg Gutfeld’s program, Gutfeld and a group of cohorts spent more than 9 minutes complaining about how the (3 minute and 47 second long) Navy video demonstrates that the service has its priorities all wrong and should be focusing on projecting power not pronouns. Somehow, we suspect the video is not the only thing the Navy has been doing. For example, speaking of undersea warfare, this past Saturday the Navy commissioned USS Montana, a Virginia-class attack submarine. Hopefully, Fox News won’t find out that at the ceremony in Norfolk, Navy officials insisted on calling the boat “she.”
MEAL TEAM SIX: When we first spotted this story, we thought it was from The Onion. But apparently it contains a layer of truth. The DailyMail.com says things are going so badly for Russian President Vladimir Putin in Ukraine that he has recalled a 67-year-old retired general to take over from last honcho, General Alexander Dvornikov, who apparently didn’t sufficiently live up to his nickname: “the Butcher of Aleppo.” The new guy…whose last name is Pavel…but whose first name didn’t make the story…apparently cuts quite the figure. The British-based Daily Mail describes him as being “20 stone” (which translates to 280 pounds) and alleges that the general likes to eat five meals a day, washing it down with a “liter of vodka.” What could go wrong? It looks like Putin’s choice of Generals to send to Ukraine is getting pretty slim.
HAVE THEY CONSIDERED WAIVING THE WEIGHT LIMITS? Turns out the Russians are not the only ones going to great lengths to fill their ranks. NBC News reported this week that every branch of the U.S. military is having a hard time meeting their recruitment goals. An internal DOD survey found that “only 9% of those young Americans eligible to serve in the military had any inclination to do so, the lowest number since 2007.” The Army has lined up only 40% of their enlisted recruiting goal for FY22, despite that three quarters of the year has gone by already. The Air Force is reportedly 4,000 airmen (and women) wannabees below where they should be at this point. The Navy’s numbers were not provided in the story, but they are reportedly hoping the movie “Top Gun: Maverick” helps them land sufficient sailors, the way it did back when the original was released. The Marines are said to be in good shape and likely to make their goal – as will the Space Force – although the newest service is only looking for 500 Guardians – so how hard could that be?
HERE'S ONE WAY TO GET MORE PEOPLE TO INK RECRUITING CONTRACTS: Army Secretary Christine Wormuth has promulgated a new policy allowing troops to have “small tattoos on their hands, ears, and necks.” If you are a recruiter – or an Army leader, you better break out your ruler. According to Army Times, the new rules are pretty specific. Soldiers will be allowed: “One visible tattoo on each hand less than one inch in measurement. This tattoo cannot be on the fingers, though one ring tattoo per hand is okay, as are ‘an unlimited number of tattoos between the fingers, as long as they are not visible when the fingers are closed.’ Also, one tattoo on the back of a soldier’s neck, less than two inches in measurement. And one tattoo behind each ear, no larger than one inch in measurement and not extending beyond the ear lobe.” The Army says they haven’t lowered their standards – they have just raised their tolerance for ink.
BOOK REPORT: Sarah Valentine, an author and Princeton-trained PhD, has landed a deal with Harper Publishers to write “The Black Cryptologists: How A Segregated Unit in the NSA Broke Soviet Codes and Helped America Win the Cold War.” It is said to be about a team of overeducated and underpaid Black workers who were once part of the Cryptanalytic Division in the NSA’s most secret program working on the "Russian problem." No word on when the book will hit the shelves.
WE JUST WANT TO PUMP…YOU UP: The Wall Street Journal was the first news outlet to get a tour of a new gymnasium that opened two months ago to no fanfare at CIA headquarters. For most organizations a new gymnasium would be, at best, a mildly interesting addition. But for CIA, it is a significant milestone. For some reason the Agency has historically been unable to generate the will or the Congressional authorization to work out how to create a modern workout facility. A quarter century ago, then-Director of Central Intelligence John Deutch ran afoul of oversight committees who thought his desire for a gym was an unaffordable extravagance in the peace dividend world. A decade ago, then-CIA Director, retired General David Petraeus, was reportedly appalled to find shoddy shape of the CIA gym and tried to get one built. He did not succeed. Now, somehow, their successors have won the day and a new 43,000 square foot facility has been opened. The WSJ says it looks like any modern gym except it has no cellphones, Kindles, or electronics. The facility was built on a portion of what was a parking lot, leading to one possible name for the building proposed in an internal naming contest: “Where the Parking Used to Be.” Unsurprisingly, that did not win and the non-descript “Langley Field House” did. At least it wasn’t “Jimmy McGymface.”
POCKET LITTER: Dead Droplets and bits and pieces of interesting /weird stuff we discovered:
WARRIOR MONK WEDS: We didn’t see this one coming. Politico reported this week that retired general and former Defense Secretary James Mattis gave up his lifelong bachelor status recently and got married. Mattis married physicist Christina Lomasney in not one, but two services. One was held on the banks of the Columbia River and conducted by a priest. The second was held in Las Vegas and presided over by an Elvis impersonator. “Suspicious minds” thought it was a hoax, but there are pictures.
THE FICKLE FINGER OF FATE: Julia Davis, who watches Russian TV so you don’t have to, has come up with another gem. Recently, TV talking heads in Moscow expressed outrage that the (unnamed) U.S. Naval Attaché in Moscow was captured (apparently on surveillance video) disrespecting the disreputable Russian Z symbol. The man reportedly was in civilian clothes, on a bicycle, and stopped to take a selfie of himself giving the finger to a Z sign affixed to a light pole or something. The talking heads exploded, ranting that the digital disrespect will cause the diplomat to find out what country he is in, that they “spit on (his) immunity,” and he should be in prison for insulting the Russian army. They predicted he would be expelled shortly. We give him a thumbs up.
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