WARNING: The below contains snarky political humor and may not be appropriate for sensitive readers.
MISSION CLUSTER *F*: President Trump’s mission to lure a motley crew of disenfranchised voters to Washington seems to be a not very well-thought through plan that turned quickly into a cluster *f* mission on Wednesday. The storming of the Capitol building wasn’t exactly mission accomplished either, as Congress, led by Vice President Mike Pence, validated the results of the presidential election, despite pressure from the protesters and President Trump to reject it (something Pence couldn’t have done if he wanted to, by the way). Apparently, Pence was the one who ended up ordering in the National Guard to restore order to the Capitol building after protestors dressed like moose and other large-horned animals, stormed the building to disrupt the certification process. Trump may have been too busy to order in the Guard because he was getting himself locked out of Twitter for spreading untruths about the election results and comments that were enticing protesters. After all of this, we can’t help but wonder what the conversation with the Vice President was like at the White House water cooler this morning, and how that relationship will play out in the coming days.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: Back in late 2020, The Dead Drop crew announced that we were taking a couple weeks off to head to the Maine/Quebec border to see whether people were actually taking up arms against the hordes of Chinese warriors being sent south by Canadian collaborators. The folks at QAnon said there was a battle raging and since it was on social media, it must be true, Eh? Well, the invaders must have been tipped off by The Dead Drop because we didn’t see any Chinese troops – unless they were disguised as moose. Now seriously, who would dress up as a large-horned animal?
OF COURSE, THERE’S A CHANCE QANON GOT THAT INVASION FROM CANADA WRONG: If you think that might be the case – The Atlantic says there is a way to make money on the group’s inaccuracy. Really. There is an online gambling site called: PredictIt which allows folks to wager on various possible outcomes. It seems QANON supporters have been betting on stuff they are told by their anonymous leader…e.g. that former FBI Director James Comey is about to be arrested or that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama would soon face federal charges. Some guy says he has made $400 in profits betting a total of $800 on various occasions saying QANON would be wrong. Caution, however. As they say in the investment industry: past performance is no indication of future results. The Chinese invaders may be massing at this very moment. By the way, PredictIt also gives you a chance to bet on who will get cabinet positions. You can get odds on who will be Attorney General (Sally Yates) and CIA Director (David Cohen) by mid-week.
SPACE INVADERS: We were aware that there was an ongoing debate about what ranks the new U.S. Space Force would use (USAF-like colonels and generals, or nautical sounding ranks like those espoused by Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise). But we did not know there was another argument about to be decided. It seems a generic moniker (like soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines) was required to describe Space Force employees as a whole – and the administration, in their wisdom, has decided on “guardians.” This sparked lots of “Guardians of the Galaxy” jokes. We understand “guardians” narrowly beat out other contenders like “custodians” “no airmen” and “space cadets.”
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE: While the Space Force did come up with a new collective name, we were relieved to find out that an artist’s concept of new “guardian” uniforms that was circulating on the internet was just a joke. Task & Purpose says the design which appeared to be an unworldly combination of the outfits worn by Colonel Klink from “Hogan’s Heroes” and Denise Richards from “Starship Troopers” was not real. The real uniforms are still being designed. Which got us wondering. What will the Space Force camouflage uniforms look like? Maybe entirely jet black?
POLLARD DEPARTS: Jonathan Pollard, who was convicted in 1987 of spying on the United States, and who spent close to thirty years in prison has emigrated to Israel, the country for which he was convicted of stealing secrets. Under the terms of his parole in 2015, Pollard had to remain in the US for five years but shortly after that term expired, he was reportedly whisked off to Israel on a private plane owned by Sheldon Adelson. Pollard and his wife were met on arrival by Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu. Former Israeli ambassador to the US Michael Oren wrote an OPED lamenting that while Pollard is considered a hero in Israel, he is still considered a traitor in the U.S. Oddly, Oren bragged about his efforts to spring Pollard after becoming Ambassador in 2009, saying that he appealed on Pollard’s behalf for a pardon from then-CIA Director George Tenet and was “rejected outright.” You would think the American-born Oren would know that CIA directors do not have pardon power, and in any case, Tenet left office five years before Oren became ambassador. Oren goes on to say that “To this day, an American Jew who has visited Israel cannot hope for a job interview at the CIA, and American media sometimes quotes "senior American intelligence officials" who accuse Israel of spying on the United States.” The first part of that allegation is nonsense. The second part was demonstrably true in Pollard’s case who, after all, did plead guilty.
LET BYGONES BE BYGONES: That Pollard stuff was in the past. And US Israeli relations have long been repaired. For evidence, look no further than the Israeli-made movie now making the virtual film festival rounds called: “Mossad.” It is a comedy about how the Mossad and CIA team up to save the world from the "Really Bad Guys" terrorist organization. After an American tech-billionaire is kidnapped in Israel, Mossad rushes to save him while the CIA sends its best agent to help out.
DON’T TELL THE PRESIDENT: Some of his cabinet members seem to be getting the idea that his administration may soon be over. Case in point: Secretary of State Mike Pompeo who launched a string of self-congratulatory tweets over the New Year’s weekend touting all the progress he made during his tenure atop the CIA and State Department. One tweet purported to define his signature word: “Swagger (def.): To represent America with pride, humility, and professionalism. We've done it. #Swagger.” Many observers pointed out that their editions of Webster’s had a different definition of swagger – and that it had nothing to do with “humility.”
SLEEPER AGENT: Benjamin Cunningham, a correspondent for The Economist, has landed a book deal with publisher Public Affairs to write Volatile Assets: Swingers, Spies and the Only Foreign Agent to Infiltrate the CIA. The book is about Karel Koecher, a Czech-born linguist who landed a job with Radio Free Europe and eventually got a contracted job in the early 1970s as a translator for the CIA. Karel and his wife Hana reportedly attended swinger and spouse-swapping parties while also on the Czech intelligence service payroll. Cunningham wrote about Koecher’s story at length several years ago…but now is turning those writings into a book-length story. No word on planned publication date.
TWO LIVES OF THE CONDOR : We recently learned that the TV series “Condor” had been picked up for a second season. This came as a surprise to us because we didn’t know there was a first season. But it turns out that the series (based on the novel “Six Days of the Condor” and the movie “Three Days of the Condor” will be on the Epix streaming service later this year. The first season aired on AT&T’s “Audience Network” which (apparently unable to acquire an audience) has gone out of business. The Condor series reportedly follows a CIA analyst who stumbles onto a plan that threatens the lives of millions.
THE NINE LIVES OF GEORGE BLAKE: British spy-turned KGB double agent George Blake died in Moscow at the end of December at the age of 98. Blake was working for British intelligence in South Korea in 1950 when he was captured by North Korea. He spent three years in captivity and at some point, flipped sides. He was repatriated to the UK and resumed his intelligence work while secretly feeding information to the Soviets including information on hundreds of British spies – some of whom were said to have later been executed. He was caught in 1961 and sentenced to 42 years in prison but, amazingly, escaped five years later and made his way to Moscow. Blake’s passing was noted by none other than Vladimir Putin who issued a statement saying "Colonel Blake was an outstanding professional of special courage," adding ..throughout the years of his hard and strenuous efforts he made a truly invaluable contribution to ensuring the strategic parity and the preservation of peace on the planet. Our hearts will always cherish the warm memory of this legendary man.”
TIME FOR A BONFIRE? We learned from The New Yorker that the U.S. Army’s Center of Military History at Fort Belvoir, VA is the not-so-proud collector of a huge stash of Nazi-inspired artwork. At the end of World War II, the Army went to considerable effort to collect kitsch of stuff like paintings of Hitler in armor on horseback. We’ve got some stuff in our attic that we don’t know why we are keeping, too. But you have to wonder what the Army’s long-term plan is. There is not likely going to be a period when the time is right to display the stuff. We hope there are not a lot of tax dollars going into preserving the stash in museum-like conditions.
MIXED REVIEWS: The CIA started the new year with a new design on its website. The fresh look included a newly imagined logo and a focus on stressing diversity among its ranks. Folks at the Agency tend to develop thick skins – so they probably aren’t losing much sleep over the shots they are taking from pundits about the site and particularly the logo. The publication Ad Age found lots of advertising agency executives critiquing the design. One tweeted: “The CIA just rebranded to look like a “hungry independent ad agency focused on their culture as much as their work.”
POCKET LITTER: Bits and pieces of interesting /weird stuff we discovered:
“WIND OF CHANGE” KEEPS BLOWING: Remember the podcast in 2020 that looked at (but didn’t resolve) allegations that the CIA was behind creating the 1990 hit song “Wind of Change” by the German rock band Scorpions? The idea was that the song was designed to somehow get under the skin of the Soviet bloc. Well, the podcast was so well-received that Hulu is now developing a TV series on the same subject.
HAIRY SIDE-EFFECTS OF VACCINE MAY BITE YOU: President Jair Bolsonaro of Brazil has a word of warning about possible unwanted effects of taking the coronavirus vaccine. According to The Sun, the Brazilian strongman warns that the vaccine might turn people into “crocodiles,” give women beards and cause men to develop “effeminate voices.” Apparently, these conditions are not based on Bolsonaro’s scientific research – just speculation because – well, you can’t rule it out.
IF YOU’VE SEEN SOME HAIRY THINGS, SPEAK UP AND LET US KNOW: Send your tips to: TheDeadDrop@theCipherBrief.com.
