HEADS I WIN, TAILS YOU LOSE: Former U.S. weapons inspector (and convicted felon) Scott Ritter continues his magical mystery tour of Russia. This week, Ritter made his way to Moscow where he appeared in studio on state TV. As can be seen in this video, captured by Russia Media Monitor Julia Davis, Ritter told host Vladimir Solovyov that he had just returned from the ‘new territories’ – which are actually Russian-captured Ukrainian lands - where he said he looked Russian military personnel in the eye and shook their hands and congratulated them for volunteering to serve in such numbers. Ritter declared: “the good news is that Russia has already defeated the collective west, NATO has shown that it’s finished as an organization. You defeated NATO!” Ritter concluded the interview by presenting Solovyov a challenge coin showing U.S. and Soviet troops shaking hands at the end of World War II. Slightly off message, no?
COULD IT BE —- SATAN? Solovyov was on another Russian TV show this week, claiming that a Russian Orthodox priest (perhaps channeling a SNL bit from decades ago) told him that his country is fighting the army of Satan – and Satan is NATO. After playing a video clip from a NATO admiral saying NATO must be ready to defend itself, Solovyov addressed the admiral and pronounced: “NATO attacked us! Did you forget?” We must admit we had. And just in case you think that this “Satan” stuff is a figment of Solovyov’s imagination – yet another Russian media watcher, Francis Scarr of BBC monitoring provided video of Patriarch Kirill of the Russian Orthodox Church being applauded in the Russian parliament for urging his countrymen to take the fight to the “Antichrist” (i.e. the West.). Slightly off message, no?
ALL SALES ARE (NOT) FINAL: This Ukraine land grab thing may just be a warmup. Russian president Vladimir Putin has reportedly signed a new decree that some folks are interpreting to mean that Russia reserves the right to reverse any land sales they may have made over the centuries. It is very unclear what the meaning and intent of the decree might be – but taken to an extreme as one Russian Telegram channel did – it means they might call for a do-over on the 1867 sale of Alaska to the United States. The decree could also put into question land deals involving places like: "Dnieper Ukraine, Bessarabia, the Grand Duchy of Finland, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, the Central Asian states of Russian Turkestan, most of the Baltic provinces, and a significant part of Poland." Maybe someday you will be able to see Russia from Sarah Palin’s backyard (as another Saturday Night Live once imagined.) Note: Myth buster website Snopes says that Putin’s decree did not specifically mention Alaska or any other territory having been sold illegally. A State Department spokesperson, Vedan Patel, said on Tuesday that in any case – Russia is not getting it back. So, rest easy Alaska.
VIDEO GAMES: Kremlin officials are probably not happy that the CIA (AKA “Satan” and “the Antichrist”) has released a new video on Telegram and similar social media platforms that is reaching members of the Russian populace. The latest one is aimed at Russians who are disillusioned with their country’s elites and gives them ways to contact to the CIA directly. It is the third such video produced by the Agency and a CIA spokesperson pointedly notes: “If it wasn’t working, we wouldn’t be on video number three.”
UKRAINIAN BLACKJACK HACKERS HIT RUSSIA: Ukraine’s military intelligence agency the GUR, says that a group of their hackers (known as “Blackjack”) have gotten into Russian computer systems and stolen construction plans for more than 500 Russian military facilities. The GUR says they swiped more than 1.2 terabytes of classified data. And they say they didn’t just copy the plans but also deleted the info from Russian servers and disabled 150 computers while they were at it. ‘Blackjack’.
PREDICT ILLEGAL FISHING, WIN BIG DOLLARS: The National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency has launched a contest challenging the public to come up with ways to use data to help predict where illegal fishing might be taking place so that governments can cut down on the practice. “We are using a challenge format with a $1 million prize pool to tap into innovative thinking outside of our traditional acquisition process,” said Ronzelle Green, Ph.D., director of NGA Research. The challenge will have two phases. First, in the proposal round, NGA hopes to land up to ten finalists whose proposals will earn $25,000 and then move on to the “Pitch Round” where participants lay out their ideas of how to use unclassified data to hook illegal fisheries. But that’s just the initial hook. The 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners of the pitch round will be awarded an additional $500,000, $200,000 and $50,000, respectively. All finalists, regardless of rank, may be eligible for follow-on contracts with NGA in this unique NGA “shark tank” exercise.
BREAKING NUDES: PORN STAR BUSTED FOR SPYING: Daria Ostapenko is purported to be a Belarusian porn star (why is everyone who appears in porn dubbed a “star”?) In any case, according to the Kyiv Post, Ms. Ostapenko was arrested in Poland for spying for Belarus. Allegedly, the Lukashenko regime employed her services to gather information on Belarusian opposition figures who hope to oust the current government and have now taken refuge in Poland. Apparently, Ms. Ostapenko has only herself to blame for her arrest. The Kyiv Post article says: “News reports indicate that Ostapenko, while inebriated from alcohol, disclosed to her friends that she was working for the Belarusian security services. That very day, Polish authorities arrested Ostapenko and indicated that on her phone they had discovered evidence of ongoing communications with intelligence officers.”
SHAMELESS (self-promotion) News from The Cipher Brief:
BEST SPY DINNER OF THE YEAR: On the heels of what has become the most engaging public-private sector national security conference of the year, we hear The Cipher Brief is planning a D.C. HONORS dinner this year, to honor a number of people who have significantly contributed to the national security dialogue over the years. They are keeping the honorees under tight wraps but we’re expanding the waistline in our tuxedos cause based on The Cipher Brief's expert network, we’re pretty sure this will be the best spy dinner of the year.
POCKET LITTER: Dead Droplets and bits and pieces of interesting /weird stuff we discovered:
PUNCH DRUNK: In case you are not a regular reader of World Boxing News – you may have missed word that a 44-year-old former heavyweight boxer by the name of Kevin Johnson has renounced his American citizenship, moved to Russia, and changed his name to Kevin Vladimirovich. The name change, he says, is to honor Vladimir Putin. We don’t know him, but we’re wondering if the change may be due to too many blows to the head during his 60-fight career.
WHY AARO WENT ASTRAY: Sean Kirkpatrick, the former head of the Pentagon’s All Domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO) who stepped down in December, launched a partial explanation of his rationale for leaving by writing this month in Scientific American. Kirkpatrick says he painstakingly built a team of highly talented personnel to investigate claims of what everyone but the Pentagon calls “UFOs.” But their efforts “were ultimately overwhelmed by sensational but unsupported claims that ignored contradictory evidence yet captured the attention of policy makers and the public, driving legislative battles and dominating the public narrative.” What they did find was kind of a buzz kill. Kirkpatrick says his team found no evidence of aliens – just allegations circulated and repeated by UFO claim advocates. His former organization’s mission continues – but according to Kirkpatrick, nothing AARO has found so far would make you quiver.
FROM A GALAXY NOT THAT FAR AWAY: Last week, onlookers in London gazed up into the night sky and saw what appeared to be a giant spacecraft hovering over the British capital. According to The U.S. Sun tabloid, some blokes freaked out. For example, a chap named James Carr posted on X: “Close encounters of the London kind! Spaceship in London this eve – call the Men in Black!” But the spooky sight turned out to be 552 drones flying in formation to promote the release of the new Galaxy S24 phone.
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