CALL 1-800-I-QUIT: Ukrainian officials figured that a lot of the Russian soldiers they are facing across the frontlines would rather be somewhere – or anywhere else. So back in September, they created a hotline run by an outfit that calls itself the “I Want to Live Project” which offers Kremlin conscripts a way out that does not involve a body bag. Recent press accounts say that the hotline receives 200-300 calls a day. We hear that some Russian soldiers also send encrypted messages via the Telegram app. In all, more than 4,000 Russians have reportedly submitted requests to surrender.
THAT ENCRYPTED APP MIGHT MAKE SENSE: Hot on the heels of the “surrender hotline” story comes this item from the Kyiv Independent newspaper, which reports that in order to “maintain military discipline and prevent the spread of panic among personnel” a unit of the Russian national guard shot six troops last week, after they “signaled their intention to surrender to Ukrainian forces near Chystopillia in the southern Zapoizhzhia Oblast.” Yeah, that’ll improve morale.
SUPPORT FROM THE HOME FRONT (SEAT): Apparently, some people behind the frontlines want their Russian sons and husbands to keep fighting. For example, there is some amazing (and apparently real) video of a Russian woman who was interviewed sitting alongside her spouse – saying that she fully supports Putin’s war plans. When the interviewer asks if she wants to get the ruble reward if her husband comes back “in a black sack” she responds: "Yes, I do! I'm telling the truth, I want it! I'm not hiding it, he knows! But I'm going to buy myself a good car. I'll drive it and remember him," she said.
AWARD WINNING CHUTZPAH: We are indebted to Russia Media Monitor Julia Davis (as we so often are) for finding yet another gem in Russian news. RIA Novosti announced on January 8, that the Patriarch of Moscow (whose name is Kirill) presented two Russian political figures with religious awards. The head of the Liberal Democratic Party, whose name is Leonid Slutsky, was given the highly regarded (we assume) “Church Order of St. Sergius of Radonezh of the 1st Degree” award. And that is not even the best part. The other awardee was a member of the Duma Committee on International Affairs, Marina Butina, who was given the “Order of the Holy Equal-to-the-Apostles Princess Olga of the 2nd degree” award. According to the article, “Butina, who spent nine months in an American prison, was called a living hero by the patriarch. “She was in the dungeons, in a hostile country. And in order to save herself, it was necessary to betray her homeland. But she did not betray,” Kirill cried. We wonder what Butina would have had to do to earn the equal to the Apostles 1st degree award.
SPYLINK: The Central Intelligence Agency announced last week, that it has launched a new hiring portal called: MyLINK. The goal is to modernize and streamline the process of getting hired by the Agency. Potential applicants can go to the Agency’s website and fill out a relatively short form, upload their resume and sit back and hope to hear from a representative who “may reach out to you to discuss an opportunity to formally apply for a position at the Agency.” So, as we understand it, MyLINK is an application to apply. Senior Agency officials say the new process will speed up the rather slow process of getting in. Cynics point out that senior Agency officials have been making such promises since before the current crop of leaders joined a generation ago. One official told us back in the day, that they used to brag that “It used to take forever to get in…but now it takes only half of forever.”
NOT ONE OF THE PERKS OF WORKING IN INTELLIGENCE: Bernard Bajolet, who used to run the French intelligence service, the Direction générale de la Sécurité extérieure or DGSE, was reportedly indicted for trying to extort €15 million from Alain Duménil, a Franco-Swiss businessman, in 2016. The allegation is that Bajolet, who ran the French equivalent of the CIA at the time, allegedly had some of his operatives bring Duménil in and tell him he owed the French government money and threatened him with physical harm if he did not pay up. The indictment was handed down in October but for some reason, is only becoming public knowledge now. The allegation apparently involves a “secret war chest” that the DGSE has operated for decades, but as we know, times are tough and the war chest has reportedly been depleted due to hard times and “poor investments.” Probably shouldn’t have invested in crypto.
PARTS AREN’T NECESSARILY PARTS: The Daily Mail in the UK says that government officials discovered a hidden Chinese tracking device sealed in an auto part that had been imported from China and installed on an official government vehicle. The device was reportedly a SIM card capable of broadcasting the location of the vehicle and other information. Lots of modern cars have devices that can collect data on vehicle performance and condition but officials in His Majesty’s government think the security concerns in this case go way beyond monitoring when a car’s oil needs to be changed. Your mileage may vary.
WELL, TECHNICALLY THEY ARE RIGHT: Do you remember about six months ago, when Al Qaeda leader Ayman al Zawahiri reportedly got up close and personal with a missile fired from a U.S. drone? Well, apparently not everyone does. According to The Daily Beast, some Al Qaeda officials are planning to announce that Zawahiri has died from “ill-health.”Misleading? Well, having a run-in with one of those Flying Ginsu missiles can have a deleterious impact on your well-being.
POCKET LITTER: Dead Droplets and bits and pieces of interesting /weird stuff we discovered:
MAGIC 8 BALL SAYS – “SIGNS POINT TO NO”: When senior government officials prepare to meet the media – they and their staff try to guess what questions they will be asked and cobble together potential answers. But we suspect Laura K. Cooper, Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense, International Security Affairs for Russian, Ukraine, and Eurasia, did not see this one coming. She participated in a press conference in the Pentagon on January 6, when a journalist asked her about reports that the Kremlin is worried about a foreign government launching a “psychic attack” on their country. “Does the US Government have any weapons or personnel who can get into the enemy's thoughts?" she was asked. Neither Cooper nor Brigadier General Pat Ryder the Pentagon Press Secretary had anything to offer in response.
OH BLAST: Some folks say that Russian air defenses shot down a mysterious object which might have been a UFO over the Rostov Oblast near the Ukrainian border last week. The Oblast governor, Vasily Golubev, said "I urge everyone to remain calm. To ensure security, all forces and means are involved. The sky is covered with anti-aircraft defenses." He said the object was shaped like a ball. Encouraging everyone to remain calm is probably one of the best ways to ensure that they will not. Of course, some spoilsports suggest that the object was not a UFO after all – but rather a Ukrainian drone. Many locals were not buying that mundane explanation, however. The local newspaper, Rostov Gazeta, says that some (probably those with ready access to vodka supplies) claimed that the incident involved the “Moon being shot down, a balloon carrying Winnie the Pooh being shot down by Piglet's gun, a weather balloon and Santa Claus on his way back to the North Pole.” Maybe it was a psychic attack.
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