AND THEY SAID IT WOULDN'T LAST: OK, no one actually said that, but this is the 350th edition of The Dead Drop, clear evidence that classic wit is still alive and well in the national security world. Congratulations to the DD writers who have spent endless hours finding ways to make us chuckle.
LITERALLY STUPID: You can’t make this stuff up. But that doesn’t stop the Russians from trying. First the Russian army proved it is monumentally inept. Then the Russian Navy saw it Black Sea fleet flagship turned into an underwater tourist attraction – but that wasn’t enough. Putin’s intelligence service said, “Hold my vodka,” and demonstrated that they can screw things up with the best of them. Russia Media Monitor extraordinaire Julia Davis, writing in The Daily Beast provides this amazing illustration. On April 25, Putin announced the arrest of several “western assassins” who he said were planning on killing a well-known Russian journalist. (And we all know how opposed Putin is to extrajudicial executions.) In making the announcement, he said, “We know the names of the sponsors from Western intelligence agencies, first of all—of course—from the United States’ CIA, which are working with Ukraine’s security services.” The Russian intelligence service, the FSB, released a video purporting to show the arrest of operatives and released “behind the scenes” video of the takedown - a search of the suspects’ apartment. The material (or props) found reportedly included, “a photograph of Adolf Hitler, six pristine-looking Ukrainian passports, a blonde wig, and brand new T-shirts emblazoned with swastikas that appeared to bear fresh creases from recent shipping.” But that’s not the craziest part. Also shown were three copies of the Sims video game. Some folks speculate that the FSB mis-read their instructions and instead of planting “sim cards” they got the games instead. Also included was a book inscribed with the phrase, “Kill to live and live to kill” signed “Signature unclear.” The guess is that someone ordered the CSI-Kremlin team to fake a fuzzy name at the bottom, but they took their instructions too literally.
THE GOVERNATOR’S SUPPORTING CAST: We have told you before about a forthcoming Netflix TV series starring former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. The show doesn’t have a name yet –but new reports indicate that it has a cast of thousands. The series is about a father and daughter who learn that they each have been secretly being working for the CIA for years and that “their entire relationship has been a lie and they don’t really know each other at all.” Monica Barbaro plays Emma, the daughter. Here is a synopsis from Deadline of just some of ten regular cast members: Travis Van Winkle will play Aldon, a great CIA officer and world class wise-ass, who is a kind and sweet man under it all. Milan Carter will play Barry, a loveable man-child and proud nerd, who keeps Luke (Arnold) and his team safe while staying far away from the action. Fortune Feimster will play Roo (short for Ruth), a smart, sarcastic CIA officer who looks up to Luke as a father figure. Fabiana Udenio will play Tally, Luke’s ex-wife and Emma’s mother, who does not know that the two are in the CIA but has always been suspicious of Luke’s frequent “business trips” which created distance in their relationship. And Barbara Eve Harris will play Dot, the “Regional CIA Director.” Intelligent, commanding, intimidating – Dot suffers no fools. We have no idea what a “regional CIA Director” is. We do know we are going to need a score card to keep track of so many regular characters.
CON TEXT: The Dead Drop generally tries to stay away from stories that might smack of domestic politics – but because of the connection with intelligence stuff, we felt the need to mention an item that came out of the thousands of text messages sent to and from former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows that were recently obtained by CNN. Congressman Scott Perry of Pennsylvania, a retired Army National Guard brigadier general, reportedly sent Meadows a note on November 12, 2020, that read, "From an Intel friend: DNI needs to task NSA to immediately seize and begin looking for international comms related to Dominion." (Dominion manufactured some of the voting machines used in the U.S.) It is unclear if Meadows did anything with or about the note. That same day, Perry texted Meadows again alleging that "the Brits" had conspired to manipulate U.S. voting machines and that then-CIA Director Gina Haspel was helping cover it up. Perry said, "And Gina is still running around on the Hill covering for the Brits who helped quarterback this entire operation." Perhaps falling back on his military training to never bring a senior person a problem without also giving them a possible solution, Perry added, "DNI needs to be tasked to audit their overseas accounts at CIA - and their National Endowment for Democracy." Goodness.
POCKET LITTER: Dead Droplets and bits and pieces of interesting /weird stuff we discovered:
SEEMS SO DAFT: The Department of the Air Force, Chief Information Security Officer, aka DAF CISO, (see what we did there?) has invented a new cartoon mascot. Task and Purpose notes that the caped robot with lightning bolts on its helmet is attracting lots of comments – many unkind. The Air Force, proving they are not risk averse, has invited the public via the internet to propose a name for the figure. Ignoring similar past mishaps like “Boaty McBoatface,” the Air Force tweeted out a request looking for suggested monikers and saying the mascot is “mighty & here to fight our cyber problems away.” Looks like he (and they specified it is a “he”) has his work cut out for him. When we tried to follow the USAF link for further information, we got an error message that the site could not be reached. No doubt “Mighty Mouse Click,” (our suggestion) or whatever they end up calling him, will fix that before you try.
LUXURY LATRINE: Army Times recently ran a story about how a group of warrant officers at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, in Washington upgraded the bathroom in their hangar and created a thing of beauty. It is not exactly clear why – other than they had visited a lot of civilian airport facilities with high-class heads (to use a Navy term) and these soldiers wanted to go in luxury themselves. The Joint Base john has mood lighting, paintings on the wall, and a variety of hand soaps and air fresheners. Oh, and they installed a putt-putt green in one of the bathroom stalls.
GOT ANY HOT STUFF FOR US? We are not looking for classified leaks, but how about sharing some interesting news items with the Dead Drop? We have not exactly been flush with great reader generated material lately, so send your news to: TheDeadDrop@theCipherBrief.com.
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