Dead Drop: December 21-27

AVAST YE HEARTIES - If you’ve ever wanted to be a pirate, this might be your moment. Apparently inspired by President Trump’s seizure of a shadow fleet oil tankers loaded with sanctioned Venezuelan crude, Sen. Mike Lee, (R-Utah), has reintroduced his Cartel Marque and Reprisal Reauthorization Act, which encourages President Trump to give American civilians “letters of marque” authorizing them to become “privateers” and ”seize cartel property and persons on land or sea.” “Would you like to seize cartel assets as a privateer?” Lee posited on X. “...Time to take these pirates down.” According to the Congressional Research Service, letters of marque were once “common tools for countries with small naval forces to augment their militaries by drawing upon the strength of their private merchant vessels. The U.S. used the instruments with success in the Revolutionary War and in the War of 1812, apparently. Maybe that’s why Lee’s idea won fast endorsement from tech titan and X owner Elon Musk, who posted “This would work incredibly well, as it has throughout history.” Other tech bros, boat bros and just plain bros have joined in. But there are also a few Karens posting prim warnings about how the cartels will kill you and your whole family if you try to grab their dope.

THE GAMES EX-DICTATORS PLAY: Bashar al-Assad reportedly is bearing up well under the strain of having been deposed as the dictator of Syria - having reportedly settled into a luxury apartment in Moscow. According to the Daily Mail, the former Syrian president is spending his days focused on PlayStation and eyeing ophthalmology textbooks while generally maintaining a low profile. Bashar’s bolt hole is said to be three luxury apartments in a “plush 1000ft tower” in the Moscow City district with a shopping mall just downstairs. According to the article, al-Assad and his family own “around 20 apartments worth more than £30million” in the complex. There are reports that Assad may have fallen out of favor with Putin though, so if true, he might want to make sure the apartment windows don’t open. For now, he reportedly lives with his wife and three 20-something children. If the pictures are to be trusted, Assad’s asylum looks quite nice. Someone in the Trump administration should send the article to Nicolás Maduro.